Hi, my name is...
Hi. My name is Monica, I live in Adelaide, South Australia. I have an 11 year old son, work as an Education Support Officer while studying to become a Childcare worker, as well as running a hobby business selling new and used Lego Sets and individual pieces online. I'm also about to begin a course of treatment for Triple Negative Breast Cancer.
Even at 35, this will not be the first time undergoing treatment for cancer. 2 months before I turned 22, I was diagnosed with Bowel Cancer, and 6 months later, Pancreatic Cancer. Both were treated with invasive abdominal surgeries, chemotherapy and radiotherapy. Then in 2014, 6 weeks after my son was born, I underwent a further 6 months of chemotherapy to treat a relapse. My last chemo pump was removed on New Years Eve of 2014, and I have continued to be proactive in frequent screening tests to monitor the unpredictable hand I'd been dealt from a genetic mutation known as Lynch Syndrome.
Unfortunately, I now need to put some of my plans, goals and dreams on hold while I live through this next chapter.
This is why, from June 1st until December 31st 2025, I’ve decided to donate a portion of every sale from my BrickLink LEGO store (store.bricklink.com/thriftingbeauty) to the National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF). Every brick or set purchased will help fund critical research focused on continuous improvements for screenings, treatments and ultimately a cure for breast cancer.
Breast cancer is the most common cancer among Australian women, with around 20,000 new cases diagnosed each year. Triple-negative breast cancer accounts for about 15-20% of all breast cancers and is known for its higher risk of recurrence. NBCF is leading the charge to improve outcomes for people like me by funding innovative research that’s saving lives every day.
Thank you for your support, your kindness, and for helping to build hope — one LEGO brick at a time.
My Updates
Christmas came early!
Thursday 27th Nov And the present is 2, slightly sore, cancer free boobies!I didn’t want to post about it or tell too many people in case plans changed, because they did. I’m also good at putting future Monica problems in a locked up part of my brain and avoid them indefinitely.
The PET Scan showed “low grade activity”, meaning treatment has been effective and my Oncologist and other specialist were keen to take advantage and moved the surgery from early next year, to December 5th.
But then, on November 17th, the surgeon called and informed me that the date had changed again. To the 26th of November.
9 days. I had 9 days left before present day Monica had to face future Monica’s problems. 9 days left before I had to say goodbye to the boobs that tried to kill me. 9 days left until I won’t be able to avoid it anymore.
It hit me like a truck on Tuesday. I was getting set up for a Lymphoscintigraphy, and my thoughts ran away. First of all, the injection was really uncomfortable, (like a bee sting around my nipple). So I cried. Then I thought “this will be the last time I’ll sense the cold with them". Ridiculous, I know. But I cried. Then I was asked if I was ok. So I cried. Then they told me I was brave. So I cried. Then they said I’ll need to do some light exercises to help the dye move through to the lymphnodes. So I cried. And when I tried to joke if crying was an exercise, I was told no. So I cried.
The cherry on top came after picking up some Oporto for a late lunch and I was driving home when some poo stain of a human cut me off and I had to brake forcefully to avoid crashing, causing the bag of food to fly off into the footwell, where it rained chips and the spicy chicken bolas box was upside-down and assumed they were wasted. I was 2 minutes from home and fell into a teary snotty mess when I got inside. Turns out there are 3 things you shouldn’t cry over. Spilt milk, chips, and spicy chicken bolas. As it was only minimal chips and the spicy bolas box remained closed. So I cried because I had cried.
Tuesday night at 11pm I packed my bag. Because procrastination is tradition at this point. And my brain gracefully allowed me 1 and a half hours sleep, before arriving at the hospital at 7am. I fit in 2 hours of cuddles with Spencer, before being taken to theatre at 9am. 10am I went under, and around 1230pm I was in recovery before being taken to my room. Mark took Spencer plane spotting and arrived back around 2pm. And Roslyn and Ollie came for a visit as well. Roslyn bought me flowers and Ollie waved at me, which perked me right up. And felt like Dad came for a visit when I was flicking through channels and the British country cop show “Heartbeat" came on. I could hear him singing and whistling to the theme.
I’ve had a couple spews (probably from the anaesthetic), and needed to have my port accessed when the jelco cannula in my arm was being temperamental. I’ve been up and down mostly unassisted to go to the bathroom. Overall the pain isn’t as horrid as I had imagined, but I’m preparing for it to worsen over the next few days.
I’ve had small bursts of sleep, this post alone has taken me over 5 hours to write because my eyes keep getting heavy and distracting me. Plus it’s been a bit of an info dump, so if you’ve made it this far into another one of my word vomits. Well done and thank you!
I’m getting a visit from the surgeons and Breast Care nurse in the morning. If all goes well I should be home again by the weekend and I can pack some more Lego orders that have popped up this week.
Thanks to everyone who's supported the Bricks for Boobs Campaign so far. There is still time if you haven't ordered yet or are looking for a sustainable Christmas gifts!
Moving forward, my body adjustments are going to take a lot to get used to, and my recovery is far from over. But I hope you enjoyed my early Christmas present, "Overly emotional Cancer Free Monica" <3
-Much love
Monica x
I don't want to jinx it...but.....
Wednesday 5th Nov Chemo is paused!I don't want to get too excited and it was hard not to cheer out loud when my Oncologist said we will have a break for the moment.
The side effects were building up and my list of complaints and niggles was growing each week, which contributed to the decision.
Hair loss is the obvious, and now includes my eyebrows that have thinned and makes me feel like I look more alien each day. Although if I walk briskly I can feel my hair tickle on my head and woosh in the wind!
The nausea was tolerable most weeks, but the fatigue built more and more, and I found myself feeling like I was going to fall over if I was awake for more than a few hours. I was getting puffed out from getting dressed or standing in the shower for more than 10 minutes. And the naps weren't as satisfying as you'd imagine.
My body ached from the chemo, the tumour is more difficult to feel than we started, but it gets uncomfortable and I've been needing to take Ibuprofen to sleep. I've also had strange shivers throughout my body and in my joints, which has been explained away from the bone marrow Booster shots I've been having.
The neuropathy has been progressing as expected, the soles of my feet are constantly tingling, and along with the fatigue has made me a little wobbly on my feet which has made me slower at standing, walking and moving around. It's started in my fingers as well, thankfully confined to my fingertips at the moment, and I can still zip zips, button buttons and tie my shoes.
I've developed a post nasal drip, and have had a blood nose from the irritation in my sinus. My nose has been leaking and dripping unexpectedly and it's caught me off guard many times. My headscarves have often been doubled as a hankie.
I'm in mental preparation for my toe nail on one of my big toes to fall off. Again from the chemo. Thankful it's just 1, but of course I was from the big toe. I'll be seeing a podiatrist soon to see if it can be salvaged.
My haemoglobin levels had slowly been diminishing, and have had 3 blood transfusions in the past few weeks, which has helped my body stabilise and feel a little more normal.
Mentally I've been in a slump. It's hard to have a satisfying day when you're only awake for 4-6 hours or been in bed for 3 days. I was counting down the weeks and bargaining with maths to count week 4 as almost 5 which is basically halfway to 12 therefore I'm almost finished. Just exhausted from being exhausted. The chemo fog was limiting my vision, but it's slowly clearing!
I've been spending as much time as I can with Spencer. We have found some fun games to play on the computer (including a spooky ghost game which he likes more than me). We've been taking advantage of visitors and lovely weather to explore and enjoy life. He's discovered dumplings and HotPot, as well as teaching himself Dutch on Duolingo, and sharing new things with me everyday.
The next few weeks are uncertain, but the relief of no chemo hasn't got me in a tizz (yet). A PETscan next week will determine the next part of the plan, whether that is continuing just immunology, or pulling the surgery forward (dependant on Specialist and Christmas break).
For the meantime, I will take my little wins of standing long enough to cook a meal, washing (and hanging!) Clothes on the same day, feeling tired from a busy day vs from exhaustion, and getting through a whole day without napping, not once!
Day by day friends. No need to rush things.
-Much Love
Monica x
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We ate dumplings and looked at pretty colours ?
Sunday 2nd Nov
I am currently understaffed..
Monday 20th Oct Sorry it's been so long since I posted. It's been an exhausting month... and a bit and I'm bad at rostering myself and making sure I am fully staffed. I keep telling myself I am under-qualified to be me, but my HR department is on leave.September began with my white blood cells going on holidays and allowing a fever to break through, requiring a hospital stay for some IV antibiotics. Thankfully it was a short stay and was able to go home after a couple days.
Then started a 12 week, weekly chemo cycle, where my serotonin delivery was missed, returned to sender and then went on back order. Sleep was elusive, motivation was impossible.
People say "just take it day by day" but day by day was just too overwhelming. I'd be crying one minute and filled with rage the next from exhaustion. It started from the minute I got up in the afternoon, to when I went for a nap 20 minutes later. I'd be angry at being angry which made me angrier. To be polite, I was a massive bitch and I didn't want to be around me, let alone other people.
I did my best to flip the sour mood I had created, and wanted to start Spencer's school holidays with something nice. We finally went to the soccer oval to fly his remote control plane, which we had been planning on doing for 6 months. We worked together to calibrate the remote, it took off and were excited as it flew, but then the lightest breeze came and carried it higher and higher and whooshed it away over some houses. We knocked on lots of doors and walked up and down the streets around the area but still haven't found it. I cried a lot and it was a reset for me to cry over something instead of being angry and snappy.
Although my balance still wasn't balancing, I was beginning to be used to the new routine of blood test Monday, treatment Tuesday, slight nausea on Wednesday and then physical exhaustion until Sunday. First week of school holidays, Spencer joined me for a treatment and we watched K-Pop Demon Hunters for the 37th time and he asked to be Jinu for Halloween. We've spent the past few weeks op shopping for parts of the outfit and have everything we need. He even asked to colour his hair, so we've had a practice dye and style to make it look K-Pop-y. He promised he'd learn the dance for Soda Pop for me but no go yet. I'll get him.
While I've been spending my in-between nap times filled with some Lego sorting, sewing and playing World of Warcraft, my sister and nephews stayed with us for a few days which was an absolute blessing. I got baby cuddles, while Roslyn cooked meals, golden syrup dumplings, and did some gardening and finished some projects I had on the go. Spencer got to spend some extended time with his cousins by going with them to Cowell for some time on the family farm for the last week of the holidays.
While away he got to drive a car, learnt to ride his bike without training wheels (finally!), ran a mini marathon against himself after a camp out in the back paddock. When he got back to Adelaide he said he felt like he had so much fun it felt like he had been away for 6 months. It was so nice for him to have some time away from my stress and moods, and come back refreshed for his last term as a Year 5. He brought back the best vibes and we've riding the high ever since.
The minute Spencer was home, he employed Mark to help him take the training wheels off his bike, and we promised each other that every Monday we will go to the local oval so he can ride his bike, I can walk and Mark can run. Our first day I managed 2 laps, while Spencer rode closely behind Mark jogging for 6 or so laps, while making fun of him being a slowpoke and forcing him into a sprint. It was a lovely afternoon and I'm looking forward to this afternoon's walk, run, ride. And it's been a while since I've looked forward to something, let alone physical activity.
Back to the chemo and I have had a long list of side effects outside of the regular nausea and fatigue. The neuropathy in my feet has been progressively worsening over the past few weeks, while I also wait patiently for my toe nail to fall off after noticing some bruising underneath. It's a wait and see situation. I am also starting to feel some tingling in the tips of my fingers, but I am still able to do up buttons and zips, so it's not a major concern yet. I have also developed a post nasal drip from deep in my sinus, and am having watery snot drip from my nose constantly. It's also irritated to the point that it's sometimes an off colour from blood, but no "blood nose".
In terms of hair, my eye brows and eye lashes looked magazine ready for a few weeks after a visit from my friend Bianca from Bee Inspired Beauty (Port Lincoln) but my eye brows have since thinned and the lashes slowly fell off and I haven't had the motivation to get them back. My head hair is fluffy like a peach, while I describe myself as a hairless cat everywhere else, including my arms, which is the only thing I'm not upset about. Silver linings and all that.
Fatigue and exhaustion has progressively gotten worse from being anaemic after a mass exodus from my red blood cells, so I had a cheeky blood transfusion last week. I had a blood transfusion many years ago, and I am grateful for the fact that it's an option for me to help me through this, but it's still an uncomfortable thought that I needed time to process. I had a minute with Spencer to explain what will be happening, why and how it's going to make me feel better and his responses were: "Is that why you look so pale", "Mum, you're pretty much the same colour as the walls", and "That's cool that people can give their blood, can I do that when I'm an adult?". And after that, I wasn't uncomfortable anymore.
I'm 6 weeks into a 12 week cycle and unless there are any major jumps in the side effects or blood counts for it to end early, I've been promised that the 25th of November will be my last hook up for the year. The projected timeline will then allow the remainder of the year to be filled with rest, relaxation and memory grabbing, with the first surgery booked for the New Year.
I think that's enough word vomit for you guys. Hopefully I can be in a better mood over the next few weeks so it's easier to share instead of avoid.
Much Love
Monica x
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Slow to React, Slow to Process, Slow to Respond
Sunday 31st Aug I'll get the job done, eventually. A fun motto and frequent reasoning for the life long procrastination that's followed me throughout the years.And, for the spice, when I do get the job done, I am also often plagued with perfectionism so debilitating that I will need to then redo it, probably several times, before running out of time, patience and sanity. I'll wave my hands in the air like I just don't care anymore and call it complete.
The best part is I can then physically start on the next project that I have already completed several times in my mind. A little lie I like to live, pretending that I pre-plan, am organised and can function like everyone else appears to.
The reality is, with most tasks, (even the basics), it feels like I've managed to run the marathon length in the first 100m by mentally planning and completing tasks, restarting or redoing to make minor, unimportant changes. My time and energy is spent and there have only been a few times in my life where I have crossed the finish line. The rest wouldn't even qualify me for an honorary completion or participation. I've grown to accept this as my way of life, and I take all the crumbs of my accomplishments, as ground up and re-used as they are.
This also stands as the reason why I am slower to the party then others. Taking over a decade from finishing school to feeling like I have a study and career direction, taking my time to do it, so I can feel like I am doing it right and perfect the first time.
Moving the focus to this current cancer marathon, which is what started the word vomit, My body is taking things slow, while the world moves fast around me. The honker on my honker has reacted to the Red Devil, but not as quickly as hoped, while the Immunotherapy is responsible for cleaning up the strays that had been stable for the past 10 years. My scans no longer sparkle like a Christmas Tree!
We've gone hard for the first part, and thankfully it's over. I felt my tolerance had overflowed last week, with the first time spewing, taking longer than normal to bounce back, sleeping for 20 hours over Sunday, aches and slight temperature prompting a short hospital stay for some IV antibiotics, and am only just finding my rhythm again.
The marathon route must change though. Because it's taking it's time to react to the chemo, we're changing things up. From next week I'll be starting on some new juice, and will require a weekly visit for the next 12 weeks, providing there are no interruptions. I also now have a surgery date, which is a whole other thought vomit that can stay locked up for now.
I can't see the finish line yet, and even though it feels like we've lapped around and are back at the starting line, I'm quietly confident I won't end up here again. I refuse to live in Groundhog Day. I've got shit to do.
-Much Love
Monica x
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Anticipation vs Anxiety
Sunday 17th Aug This week has been a pit week for me.I use the term "the pit" for my burnout. When I've been moody, depressed, not knowing what I want or need for my day or from my people. Where I sit in the negative because I don't have the energy, knowledge or motivation to pull myself out. I usually would wait for it to pass, like a cold. I feel it coming, I'm in bed for a few days, sleep is interrupted, and after a few days, I get up, do a few jobs that have been yelling at me while in the pit, I feel a slight sense of accomplishment and gradually over the next few days I get some function back, step of of the pit because it's not as deep or as horrible as I thought and then get on with my life. I guess that's why they used the term "high-functioning depression".
The second was after a couple of months when I was driving home from work after a particularly full-on-day, and as I was processing the day I realised I hadn't woken up with the dread pit in my stomach that day, or the day before, or the week before. I couldn't remember when. I used to feel the dread before I woke up, it would hold me down in bed, give me thoughts about how to avoid the day, make me late, linger all day with panicked thoughts and then I would process the thought on every thought of every moment and interaction from the day, keeping me up later than I should, waking me through the night, and rinse and repeat the next day for eternity. But the morning dread pit was gone. I was still late to things and had time blindness, but there was no morning dread pit.
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I can't tell you the last time I visited the pit. A year ago I started on some ADHD medication and it changed things, that I didn't register it would. Like everyone, I heard the stories, read the information, watched the TikToks and TV episodes of people with access to the medication. "I took some this morning and now my fridge is clean", "it supports my study and helps me focus for exams", "I organised this space in 20 minutes where it would of taken me a week". Useless, generic, bullshit stuff. Not to say I didn't fall for it.
But what it did for me was on a whole other level.
First time I noticed the effects was when I was at TAFE and we were having a group discussion with the lecturer, and mid sentence I stopped and said, "Did you know my brain is working at the same speed that I am speaking right now?" I could hear my thoughts in real time, and they were clear, it wasn't a thousand voices or thoughts speaking at once that it was just noise and I had to make things up as I went, meaning I'd not speak, or I would and what I said wouldn't of made sense anyway.
The second was after a couple of months when I was driving home from work after a particularly full-on-day, and as I was processing the day I realised I hadn't woken up with the dread pit in my stomach that day, or the day before, or the week before. I couldn't remember when. I used to feel the dread before I woke up, it would hold me down in bed, give me thoughts about how to avoid the day, make me late, linger all day with panicked thoughts and then I would process the thought on every thought of every moment and interaction from the day, keeping me up later than I should, waking me through the night, and rinse and repeat the next day for eternity. But the morning dread pit was gone. I was still late to things and had time blindness, but there was no morning dread pit.
The third was the realisation this week that because it was recommended I pause the ADHD medication while on this treatment because they both affect my heart, that maybe the meds were also building walls around the pit so I didn't fall, which I hadn't for months. But the walls crumbled, I tripped and found myself in familiar territory.
So here I am, crawling out of the pit on the week where I was supposed to be bouncing and oozing with excitement to be approaching treatment 4 of 4 of the "Red Devil". But what's coming next is a lot of unknowns and I am not prepared.
There could be more chemo, (different drug mix) to follow up the Red Devil, before going for surgery.
Or they could opt for surgery first, which is a whole other door I'm not prepared for. But those panicked thoughts can wait for another day.
If you made it this far. T-48 hours before I'm hooked up for my "last" treatment. Send good thoughts cause I'm sure not having any right now!
Rant over.
-Much Love
Monica x
Mystery delivery!
Friday 8th Aug
July Bricklink Sales!
Friday 8th Aug I'm a little late on the update. It's been a rough week.I am so excited to share that over July, we have raised a further $14.48 for the National Breast Cancer Foundation through the Bricklink store!
Thank you to those who have jumped on board and gone out of your way to create a profile so you are able to make a purchase! It's been so amazing seeing the new members, as well as familiar names pop up in my sales list!
August is 8 days in and we already have a further 3 orders that are going out today. Looking forward to more coming in over the next few weeks!
Thanks again and keep on sharing and supporting!
Much Love
-Monica x
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Preparing for treatment #3
Sunday 27th Jul I have given recaps of how post treatment goes, so I thought I would share some insight on how things are pre-treatment.So far, the cycle has been:
Chemo administered Tuesday, nausea kicks in by late afternoon.
Wednesday-Friday is standard nausea, sometimes suppressed by medication, at least enough to have function on a basic level.
From Friday evening, the nausea fades, but then comes days of all the other interruptions to normality include my sleep routine becoming more unhinged than normal and my guts playing both ends of the scale. Fun fact, chemo farts could be bottled and used as interrogation tactics or in a new type of nuclear weapon. Don't tell the government.
Fatigue and insomnia also come to the party, and neither follow a schedule. My eyes can glue themselves shut within 30 minutes of waking, unless it's 3am.
By day 10 (usually around the second weekend) I have spent a good 2-3 days on a 2 hour sleep, diarrhoea routine, on repeat, where I'm out of breath from a 2 minute shower. Last weekend I lost 2-3 kilos as I either slept or purged everything from my body, no energy to get out of bed, let alone eat.
Everything is an up-side-down-inside-out-back-to-front-wobbly mess until around day 14 or so, where I begin to salvage some normality, sleep begins to reset, my gut begins to stabilise, my appetite returns and I plonk the kilos back on to where I started.
I then have 5-7 days where I feel like a functional human, where walking to the bathroom doesn't make me want to sleep for 3 days, where I don't have to summon energy from the depths to be upright, where I can be as much of me as I can. And every time it is overshadowed by the reminder that my next treatment is less than a week away and I have to do this all over again, and all the relief is robbed and I struggle with it more than I should.
I can continue to tell myself I've done 2/4 treatment cycles of this chemo. I am 2 months in and already halfway. But that also means I have 2 more to go, and each time I get a little less patient with it and I feel where the cracks have started. I'm not meant to break.
Thank you to everyone who's shared, donated, bought Lego, sent care packages, messages, or thought of me for a second. It's filling in those pesky cracks and keeping me together.
Like I said, I'm not meant to break.
-Much Love
Monica x
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Guess I had a birthday
Saturday 26th Jul
I Found My Brave
Wednesday 16th Jul
Treatment #2
Tuesday 15th Jul It's not easier the second time around. Although I had a rough timeline in my mind of when I will feel what, when will be safe to eat, drink, best to sleep, it didn't matter. Losing my hair has set me back so far I can barely acknowledge I've been here before. I want to be brave and share my adopted fashion but I still can't. I've taken and deleted more selfies than anti-nausea medication. I'm still trying to find my power.Treatment went well though, maybe mapping it out helped more than I realised. I'm definitely more tired than last time, spending most the week sleeping. I was able to skip a lot of the nausea build-up by not waiting for the cold cap, so was able to squash it early. I was a good girl and ate at pretty much every meal, but chemo mixed with medications meant less pooping, or more, depending on what day you ask. I'm still waiting for it to balance again.
Spencer joined me at the initial hook-up, but I feel like it was more for me than him. He watched and patted my hand, but I don't think he was there 100%. But to be fair, he was also about to go on a trip to the airport and planes were going to be flying, and a friend had invited him on a family camping holiday the next day so his distractions were warranted. I wasn't going to dismiss any of that. It was nice for him to come and see that I am ok, and hopefully doesn't set him up for more trauma, although I think that trains left the station.
Wednesday through Saturday were pretty standard. Sleep, meds, eat, meds, sleep, shower, sleep, cuddle cats, sleep. The fatigue is king this week. Even getting up to walk the 5m to the toilet, having to be upright for 1 minute, it's flooring me, and I need to lay back down for at least a 2 hour nap. And then a migraine decided to join the party and I've been horizontal since 10pm Sunday.
I would like a break thanks. I'm going to have another nap now, but wake me up when this bullshit is over.
-Much Love
Monica x
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6 days of hairloss = 1 shaved head
Wednesday 9th Jul It started noticeably on Wednesday with my armpit hair, pubes and my head, thankfully not my eyebrows (yet) and regrettably not my mo. Hair after hair, chunk after chunk. I left a breadcrumb trail wherever I went, so let it be known, if I am tied to any crime through DNA, it wasn't me.I don't recall my first hair loss happening so quickly. I feel like it was over a few weeks at least, and I made the decision to shave it when a bald spot started forming and I couldn't be bothered putting in the effort to brush my hair in a way to conceal it. I took control and shaved it. It felt good then, this time, not so much.
Once my hair began growing back the first time, I admit I had fun watching it grow out, week by week, feeling a little more human again. And when it was long enough to try new styles and colours, I let my hairdresser take the lead and explored different options and I felt like a barbie doll.
The biggest enjoyment was when I impulsively asked for pink hair, did I walk out feeling like a queen. In hair colour, I found me, I felt I had increased my personality infinitely and I had discovered something I had been missing my whole life. I definitely wore it like a crown.
But the crown had to go. So much hair came out over the past week that I was surprised there was any left on my head. So with support from my family, I met up with my brother who was caravan-ing in the Adelaide Hills and we turned the annex into a makeshift salon. Sitting on a port-a-potty, under some blue light, We buzzed it off. My brother did most of the work, putting his shearing skills to good use, but my son and nephews also had a turn. We giggled and joked and made the best of what we had. The moment was nice. But I can't shake the feeling of regret and I've lost a part of me and my personality again. It's madness to feel like hair defines me, to be this upset over something that will grow back. But I can't shake the shitty feelings, and I don't have the control back that I did last time. I just feel heartbroken,
When I got home, I sat in front of the mirror and stared, holding back tears. Mark came in and asked if I was OK. I wasn't. Spencer came and gave me a hug, told me I am still me. The tears broke through and I felt a little better.
And then as I started getting ready for bed, I had another glimpse in the mirror and for the longest second, I just saw Mum looking back at me.
It can't be all that bad.
-Much Love
Monica x
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The hair is starting to go...
Thursday 3rd Jul I was warned. I dyed my hair bright pink in preparation, even though the colour fades quickly from my hot showers. (I might even sneak a home dye job in so I can look cute as it falls out.) But my scalp has been itchy and achy all week, and it's beginning to thin, so I guess it's a little bit of history repeating.In saying that, I feel more prepared than the first time I lost my hair. I had 6 months of chemo in 2011 with no noticeable hair loss. Then a change in chemo for another 3-4 months in early 2012 and nothing. Another change in July where I had a chemo bottle attached and swapped weekly (with radiation) and nothing. So I became complacent.
Then in 2014 after I had a relapse, I was given another different regime. I was told about hair thinning but because I hadn't had any from the first few times, I dismissed it and went on with things, the thought of hair loss far from my mind. But it was closer than I realised.
I remember I was at my parents house for the weekend, making the most of my not-so-newborn and Grandparent time. I was washing my hair and as I was rinsing, more hair was coming out than normal. I have always had really thick hair, and I was constantly losing strands, but not like this. It was chunks as thick as wool, gently coming away from my head. Over and over, and continued over the following days and weeks.
I had a shiny bald spot forming near my crown, and within a week, I wasn't able to conceal it with a ponytail. I took the "fuck it" route, and sent my husband to Kmart to get a shaver. We laid towels down on the lounge room floor and permitted him to "just do a thing", and he gave me a reasonably cute faux-hawk, which I rocked for 10 minutes before finishing the job.
Luckily it was towards the end of winter so I was able to rock beanies and headscarves, I saved a ton of money on shampoo and hair cuts, and my son never went through a hair pulling phase, so there was a convenience to it I never thought I'd accept.
I eventually embraced it and developed my own style. I remember towards the end of 2014, I had just been discharged from a chemo date with my Mum, as she was going through treatment at the same time. Her hair had fallen out as well, so we were twinning it up in our head scarves. We were on a bus on the way to the city to meet my Sister. It must have been around October because it was warm and I was feeling it under my scarf. I complained to Mum how uncomfortable I felt and pulled my scarf off for some fresh air on my scalp. Her eyes went so wide and she whispered, "but what if people stare?" I politely scoffed and told her I couldn't care and I'd rather feel comfortable. Her face changed as the words sunk in, and she slowly reached up and pulled her scarf off too. We shared a moment of power and the memory is forever imprinted.
Fast-forward to now and I am reflecting on the first hair loss journey and it's slowly filling me with the same power. The first thing the Oncologist asked me when discussing chemo options, was how I felt about my hair. I said I'd rather stay alive, and the hair will grow back. I gave the cold cap a go, but I don't think it sat snug enough on my head due to my thick hair and odd sizing. I'm glad I gave it a chance, but have already cancelled the cold cap chair for next week's treatment. It's time to embrace. I am sad, nervous and reluctant about it, but at least I have a semi-speck of control this way.
I had warned my son that I might lose my hair, and he could be the one to shave it if I did. He responded with "Really!?" while excitedly clapping his hands. So at least one of us will have a good time. At least it's winter again so I can make use of all my beanies!
I'll post photos when it happens!
Much Love
-Monica x
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June Bricklink Sales Update!
Tuesday 1st Jul Firstly, thank you so much to those who have taken the time to share, look or place an order at my Bricklink store! The support has been amazing!Over June, we were just shy of 10 orders for the month, including some from people new to Bricklink! From the sales, we have raised a further $17.83 for the NBFC and I have added this to the donations.
The fundraising event will continue until December 31st, so please continue to look, share or maybe buy some Brick for Boobs! And let's aim to raise more over July!
Thanks again and I hope to send some bricks to you!
Much Love
-Monica
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Week 1
Thursday 26th Jun It's been a whole week. It's been a lot.Tuesday ended with nausea and although I was a big girl and didn't actually, technically spew, man did I try! I couldn't talk without dry retching. The anti-nausea medication worked amazingly but there were still some gaps but I know what I'm up against next time!
I didn't get a well rested night as I was constantly woken from either nausea, racing thoughts or the inability to lay comfortably. I'm a side, pillow hugger, turtle sleeper. Which is a problem when both sides are compromised. I'm nervous to sleep on my right as I can feel the port and it can be physically uncomfortable, but on my left, I feel like I can feel the tumour. It took a more than usual to be comfortable and I woke every hour on the hour wanting to spew, but nothing would come up.
From Wednesday through until Friday I juggled nausea, napping, vegemite toast and odd jobs, ticking a lot of small things off my list like sorting and counting Lego sets to upload to the store, and condensing doom boxes I'd started months ago.
Saturday I summoned all the energy to take my son to the Museum to see an exhibit on some Viking treasures that was on display and had a really nice afternoon, but my body gave up the second I got home. I got a short nap before having some dinner (first proper meal in a few days) and then went back to bed, and ended up sleeping over 12 hours.
Sunday was an in bed day, napping on and off and not getting up until late afternoon, and just having a physical sense of something that I couldn't put my finger on but eased ever so slightly every day, especially since seeing my Oncologist on Tuesday. A quick blood test confirmed nothing major was happening, other than my tanked counts due to the chemo, which under the circumstances are 'normal'.
Upon reflection, we have put the oddness down to anxiety and post-traumatic stress, which threw me, because even having an existing diagnosis, I had never felt it manifest so physically before. I guess I had locked a lot of my past chemo experiences away deeper than I realised.
Looking forward now I have a baseline I can work with, so here's hoping when I start my next treatment in a couple weeks, I can be prepared like a girl scout and it will be easier!
Thanks for all the support so far! Continue to share the post, page and spread the word. Let's continue to support the National Breast Cancer Foundation's hard work and keep looking to the future!
Much love
-Monica x
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Bricklink Store FAQ
Thursday 19th Jun Thank you so much to those who have looked at, shared or made a purchase from my Bricklink store so far! The support has been overwhelming! I will be depositing the monthly totals on the 1st of each month, and I cannot wait to share!!Here are a few frequently asked questions I've had. Hopefully it helps you out!
How do I access the BrickLink Store?
Store.bricklink.com/thriftingbeauty will take you directly to my store page.
Will I need to sign up to make a purchase?
Yes, you will need to create a buyer account before making a purchase.
What payment methods are available?
All payments will be made securely through PayPal. A link will be generated once you've submitted a request for an invoice.
Why do I need to request an invoice before payment?
It's an option I have for my store so I can determine best, economical shipping cost for you. I send a confirmation of shipping when the invoice is sent (ie. Smaller orders sometimes fit into a large letter/rigid mailer but with no tracking).
Do you offer local pick up/delivery?
I do where time and location allows. I am happy to negotiate this with you once the request for an invoice has been recieved. If I see a local suburb, or somewhere I know I will be travelling to or past within a time frame that suits you.
How much would postage cost?
Postage costs are dependent on how much you purchase through size and weight.
Prices are:
$3 - Large letter/rigid mailer (No Tracking)
$10.95 - Small parcel, up to 500g, tracking included
$14.95 - Medium parcel, 500g-1kg tracking included
$18.95 - Large parcel, 1kg-3kg, tracking included.
*Please note I also use recycled packaging where possible*
Why are some sets marked as "incomplete"?
As I acquire Lego Sets and pieces through various thrifting opportunities (op shops, Facebook Marketplace, eBay etc) sometimes sets come incomplete. Before adding to the store I use the Bricklink inventory to count the pieces and replace broken or missing pieces where my surplus allows. Most sets marked as incomplete will have a list of missing pieces, including individual part identification numbers.
I hope that answers most of the questions.
If you have any further inquiries, feel free to contact me either through Bricklink, Facebook or though this donation page.
Thanks again for your support!
-Monica
The First 24 Hours
Wednesday 18th Jun I made it. The first 24 hours are done, hopefully not setting the standards for the next few days, as that bar felt close to being out of reach.The treatment itself went fine. Port was accessed easily, and I had my big girl pants on to have the needle placed without topical numbing cream, just to take away the sting! Each infusion went for 10-30 minutes but there were a few. The nurses were great and explained every step but I can tell you nothing landed. My brain was a trampoline and new thoughts were having a party. Every time one launched, a new one would join in, so my brain did little to no processing yesterday. It wasn't until I got home did things slow down and I began to reflect on my day.
The memories of the past came crashing down and someone took away the trampoline and they all landed in a crumpled heap at my feet. The reception who recognised me, by name and face, from over 10 years later from a previous Chemo Day Hospital. The warm and welcoming escort from the front desk to my chair, willing to offer a helping hand for absolutely anything, including carrying my Oodie down the corridor. The nurses who are winners of the personality lotto, and have found their calling in life. Knowing when to joke and when to be serious, keeping me relaxed and distracted.
And then there was the finer details to the layout of the treatment space, the sounds of the machines, the repeating of who I am, even the smell from the band-aid they placed over the needle. It was all there and I couldn't escape it any more. And the nausea hit and the anxiety won over, so I had a cheeky cry. I had a short chat with my sister but it was hard to talk through holding back the sobs and the dry-retching that had hit. Thankfully, once I hung up, I dozed off and on until waking up bright and sparkly at 3:30am, where I began writing this post. It's only been a little over 12 hours in drafts, which for me is posting it early!
I managed to get some cheeky 4am toast in, where it stayed, and again at 6:30am. Got in contact with my Psychologist and another cheeky nap later before I went in for a bone marrow booster to help stimulate cell repair from the chemo and immunotherapies. Finally felt human enough for a burrito bowl too which is helped boost my morale.
Expecting the next few days to hit the peak of dreadful, but feels like the anti-nausea medication will do it's trick and hopefully be feeling more human again by the weekend.
A huge thank you to the people who have donated so far or reached out. Every kind word, thought and good vibe has been felt.
And thank you to those who are also checking out my second-hand Lego store through Bricklink - store.bricklink.com/ThriftingBeauty - 8% of your purchase I will also be donating to the National Breast Cancer Foundation. I have also been using my spare time to upload more sets and minifigures, as well as updating some prices to match the sales averages, which is slow going but getting there!
Thanks again and much love.
-Monica
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OK. I'm ready..
Tuesday 10th JunThe days blur as they bring me closer to my first chemo date of 2025.
The initial shock of a breast cancer diagnosis at 35 has eased, plans are made and the shaking ground that was leading to the future has settled. The last task is the re-installation of an Infusion Port. Then we will be ready to rock.
I plan to share more in the next few days, weeks and months about my current journey, as well as my past experiences that I was hopeful I wouldn't have to draw from again.
You're welcome to come back and check in as I work through this next chapter.
Don't forget to share and donate what you can. Every dollar is appreciated!
-Monica
ShareThank you to my Supporters
$260.75
Jake Beinke
$251.09
Roy Whitehead
Thinking of
$206.20
Anonymous
$106.12
Sharon Beinke
Stay strong, you got this!
$106.12
Blue Shadow
You are amazing and awesome! Thank you for doing this.
$106.12
Rubber
$106.12
Helen Nixon
Wishing you the very best Mon. Keep your spirits up and keep smiling love. We are thinking of you all the time .
$106.12
Thundernikk
Best wishes
$106.12
Florida Man
Even through times of hardship, you still worry about others. Go kick cancer's ass again! Love you Ma'am <3
$106.12
Ruby Edwards
From one fighter to another, let's smash this!! 💪 Love Ruby 💜
$106.12
Chris Berny And Amelia
Keep those's eyes looking forward, you've got this!
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Papa Leo
Keep on fighting Mon… lots of love❤️❤️❤️
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Rebecca Johnson
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Leonie Fenech
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Nikki
Still love u x
$103.72
Sneaky Beagle =)
LOVE YOU MONZA! KICK THIS CANCER'S ASSHOLE! Bricks for boobs to the TOP!
$85.48
Tracy Smith
Sending you loads of love, hugs and support Monica xo
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Anonymous
💕💕
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Meredith Palmer
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Therese Kerkhof
All the best Monica.
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Tracy Heritage
Remain strong 💪 warrior
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Britt Burton
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Monica Turner
$54.12
Karly Woolford
You are braver and stronger than you know xx
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Ebony Bruce
❤️
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Leanne Bromley
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Veronica Hubert (may)
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Reannan Richards
Sending my love to you gorgeous lady xxx
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Damien
You've got this monz! 💪
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Roadrunner
<3
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Mel Amey
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Britt Burton
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Ana Mortlock
Sending you all the love and best wishes xx
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Jemma
Sending my love and thoughts xo
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Youthriftingbeauty (bricklink) - October
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Anonymous
$17.83
Youthriftingbeauty (bricklink) - June
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Youthriftingbeauty (bricklink) - August
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Youthriftingbeauty (bricklink) - July
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H00tywh0
Boobs are cool.
$11.65
Anonymous
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Hannah Nagel
$10.71
Youthriftingbeauty (bricklink) - September
$6.01
